a want? or a need? you be the judge!

Kendra this is all your fault. Ever since I saw this cute piece of furniture in your living room, I have been obsessing over someday owning my own. Wouldn't this look so cute in my upstairs family room?

My problem is this: I'm not much of a home decorator. My sister-in-law is so good at it, and just has a natural eye for that kind of thing but I have none. Our good friend Scott also has a eye for decorating. Where are you Scott and Terra when I need you most?

See, for instance I look at my wood floor and naturally think that I need to have everything brown to accent the floor. Once I hung up the black mirror I decided that I liked the black with my green couches. Now, I would love this black hall tree to be added to this room. Plus, it would give the kids a place to hang their backpacks and such when they walk through the door. Instead of me always having to remind them to pick up their backpacks off of the floor. Last but not least, our hall closet is really a non-functioning closet because of the duct work, the closet has hardly any space.

Want?or a need? I'll let you be the judge.

Audrey Badaudrey

Well, we needed something to call Audrey for short and couldn't come up with much so Alyssa decided to start calling her Audrey Badaudrey. It works I guess, and so the name has stuck.

Just like Kevin wasn't set on having a daughter named Leah, I wasn't set on having a daughter named Audrey. It sounded really old-fashioned to me, and I just didn't really like the name in all honesty. When Kevin and I were living in student housing, we were the nursery teachers in our old ward. We had the cutest little girl named Audrey in our class, and we loved her dearly. She was the smartest little girl too. Anyway, so it wasn't that the name Audrey rubbed me wrong because of someone I didn't like named Audrey or anything. I just didn't envision naming our daughter Audrey. Well, it worked out great, and we had a baby for each of us to name. Kevin chose Audrey, and I chose Leah. It turns out that Audrey is quite a popular name here in the south. Everywhere we go it seems as though we are always running into another little girl named Audrey. The name has definitely grown on me, and this little girl along with her sisters have a special place in my heart.

Audrey continues to follow the pattern of our older girls where she is not wanting to crawl or stand on her own yet. She has the army crawl down pat but that's about all that she is interested in at the moment as far as developmental skills are concerned. I mentioned before that our pediatrician was worried about her head size. Her head is in the 97% percentile, where her weight is only in the 50%. I wasn't worried so much about it because she follows in the same pattern as Alyssa and Kelsie did when they were little, and eventually their big heads caught up with the rest of their bodies. My pediatrician would not stop talking about her head size, and every time I would take her in for a check-up she would mention time and time again how worried she was about Audrey's head. She even thought that her forehead looked like it was protruding. Also she was concerned that Audrey's soft spot was not closing, and really wanted Audrey to undergo an MRI to make sure that she didn't have anything wrong with her. I didn't feel like an MRI was necessary, nor did I feel it was necessary to sedate a ten month old child for a major expensive test and asked her if there was anything else that we could try instead. She agreed to let us try an ultrasound instead. Well, we went ahead and did the ultrasound and Audrey passed with flying colors. Everything in that big head of hers looks wonderful. There are no abnormalities whatsoever except for the fact that because she is a twin, she is constantly getting compared to her sister by our pediatrician. If Audrey is not doing everything exactly like Leah is doing then there seems to be cause for concern. I know not to worry because even though they are twins, they are not going to do everything alike all of the time. They have always been complete opposites and I don't mind one bit. I like that they have their own looks and their own personalities. It's been a lot of fun watching them grow up, and I am a little sad to think that they will be turning one year old in 6 weeks. Where has the time gone? I have really tried to make sure that their first year wasn't just a blur in my memory, and to be honest there were times when it probably was, and other times just seemed so perfectly normal. I sometimes think of my life before my twins came into it, and it seemed as though I was more stressed out then. With having twins, I have learned to slow down more, and to take time to smell the roses. I have learned to let things go, and that the most important job that I can be doing right now is raising these four little girls who soon won't be so little anymore. One lady who has also has twin girls said to me the other day, "Don't worry, soon your babies will be going to kindergarten like mine, and it really does get better." I just looked and her and said, "I am not ready to send them to kindergarten." Seriously, I can't think of that right now. I just am trying to enjoy each moment with my girls.

I need to catch some zzzzzzz's

It's now two hours past my usual bedtime, and I really should try to get some sleep but I am pathetic and can't sleep when my husband is at work. He has been working nights on and off most of our married life, and I still can't sleep without him here. I thought that it would get easier as time went on, but it doesn't.

I also haven't been feeling really great so that doesn't help things either. My sickness started about two weeks ago. It was around the time that I got my first tumor shrinking injection. I thought that maybe it was something in the injection that was making me sick but I am not sure what is going on with me. I have had a lot of GI issues along with flu-like symptoms. I was in a lot of pain last week and so my doctor sent me to have an ultrasound of my gallbladder. Apparently, one of the biggest side effects of this injection is gallbladder problems. I am following up with an internist tomorrow afternoon to see if they have any answers for me. My biggest complaint now is that my neck is so stiff that I can hardly turn my head from side to side. In the middle of the night, I just start getting cold sweats and then chills immediately following. Oh, this medical stuff is driving me crazy. I wish my doctors could just figure out something that could work for this tumor. I feel like every course of treatment recommended is just an experiment, and I don't have time for experiments. I need something that is going to work. I have four kids and a husband who depend on me. The show has got to go on.

Leah tortilla

I have always wanted to have a daughter named Leah. Kevin was never quite sure about the name but I was always certain that one day I would have a daughter and her name would be Leah. My middle name is Leigh, and also Leah was my Great Grandmother's name. I guess between the two, I just really liked the sound of the name Leah.

Out of all of my girls, I think Leah looks the most like me which I have to say I am so happy about. I think our other three look so much like Kevin, and it's fun having at least one that looks like me. Leah even shares my love of Junior Mints. (I mean, I think she does. what kind of Mother would feed her baby Junior Mints anyway?)

Leah is such a sweet natured baby, and I hate to say this but sometimes because Audrey is so high maintenance, I tend to forget about Leah's needs. She is always so patient, and rarely cries except for when it's time to take a nap or time to go to bed.

Leah loves to eat and wants nothing to do with baby food anymore. She wants what we are eating and nothing else. Give her food, and no-one gets hurt. Oh, I love this girl, and I love Kelsie's nickname for her which is Leah tortilla.

Brentwood, Tennessee

our future home someday?



We went to a fabulous party over the weekend hosted by the Vanderbilt House Alliance. It was held in the beautiful city of Brentwood. Oh, how I love that city. After taking a little tour of the city, I am not so convinced that we are headed back to Utah anytime soon.

Miley Cyrus lives around these parts somewhere, and Alyssa was adamant that she was going to find her house. We looked but we couldn't find her. Better luck next time I guess.

conversations with Kelsie

Lately this little girl and I have been having the funniest conversations. Our latest conversation went a little something like this:

Kelsie: "Mom, what are those things called again that Dad says that you get when your a teenager.

Mom: thinking to myself, "what on earth has Dad been teaching the kids about?" Umm, what things Kels?"

Kelsie: "You know, the things that you get on your face that will go away."

Mom: zits?

Kelsie: "yeah zits, that's what they are called."

Mom: Sigh of relief, glad that's all she learned about!

It's been 20 days since I have had any of this, and you know what? It hasn't been as bad coming off of caffeine as I thought that it would be. I seriously had an addiction that I knew I needed to break. I realized it was a bit of a problem when Kelsie wanted to drink it almost as much as I did. Well, we don't have any of it at our house anymore, and we are done drinking it. We now are Crystal light fans instead.

It's time to get healthy, and I have put it off for long enough. It's time for me to conquer the battle of the bulge instead of letting the battle of the bulge conquer me.

I signed up today for the YMCA which I am very excited about. I went this morning for the first time and was able to run on the indoor track. Daycare is included with the membership which will be great. The best part of the whole exercise experience today was being able to take a shower without crying kids in the background. I could join just to be able to shower without interruptions every day, it was heaven!

Wish me luck with my new exercise regimen. I am so not excited for the pain that comes with exercising but I will be excited to hopefully see some good results soon.

Trauma: Life in the E.R.

Trauma: Life in the E.R. explores what life is like in an emergency room. Viewers travel to different ERs located throughout the United States to learn the excitement and thrill, trials and tribulations associated with emergency medicine. The program gives insight into how doctors, nurses and patients all interact in the emergency setting and shows what scenarios may be peculiar to specific ERs. Viewers also have the opportunity to travel with emergency medical workers in the field to see the special and often life-threatening situations they face.

Why do you care about all of this? well, because they are filming this TLC series right now at Vanderbilt, and you may soon be seeing my husband, Dr. P on the next episode. That's right, he is a star. He could tell you the story better than I can but he said that they were filming him as he was doing a history and physical on a patient that he was preparing for surgery. He had to sign a release and the whole nine yards. How exciting, too bad we can't be paid per episode viewed or something.

Kevin is not sure when they will air the Vanderbilt episodes, but we will keep you posted.

smoking stinks

My little Kelsie has had this weird obsession I guess you could say about seeing people smoking. One day as we were out running some errands she says to me, "Look at that guy, he has a smoke stick." I couldn't figure out at first quite what she meant. Finally I realized that she was referring to cigarettes as smoke sticks. She sees "smoke sticks" everywhere and is quick to point them out, and then to add her own comments about how smoking is a bad habit, why you don't want your lungs to turn black, how if you smoke you are going to die, etc... You get the idea. All the general comments that a four year old would make.

So this week I found a candy story that is pretty new to the area. They carry about every kind of candy imaginable but their speciality is vintage candy. Candy you wouldn't be able to find elsewhere; including things like candy cigarettes. For some reason the cigarettes caught my eye. I immediately picked up a box and placed them in my basket. I guess I really wanted to bring them home for Kevin as sort of a joke. ( They were his favorite candy as a kid okay.) I get the cigarettes home, and the kids immediately ask about them. We tell them that they are candy smoke sticks. I know, it's a little hypocritical telling your kids that they shouldn't smoke and then preceding to let them eat candy cigarettes. We are bad parents what can we say?

Does anyone else remember having these? or were your parents actually better examples than we are, and didn't let you touch the things.

Alyssa's Labor Day weekend

Well, we were off to a good start let's just say that. Friday night Alyssa had a sleepover with her friend Allee, and had a wonderful time. Saturday was spent being with Kevin on his birthday. Later that night Alyssa went over to Allee's for a swim party. Sunday was spent at church, and all went well there. Monday we headed out to see some friends in Franklin to spend the day together with them for a barbecue, and that's when disaster struck. We all had been playing volleyball together, and were having a great time. I happened to take a quick break to take care of the babies when all of a sudden I looked up to see Kevin doing a great serve. I watched Alyssa run over and give her Dad a hug, and then all of a sudden I see this baseball go flying over the net as well, which just so happens to be heading Alyssa's way. The baseball hit her eye, and man does she have a nice shiner? She is our first and I hope last daughter to have a black eye. I feel so bad for her. Even since yesterday it looks ten times worse. She's really embarrased that we took pictures, and doesn't want anyone to see her like this. I kept her out of school today just so that we could continue icing it. Oh, poor girl! There is always something isn't there?

Guess whose birthday is today?

Any guesses?

YES, it's cute little Kevin's birthday today. I am not sure how old he is in either of these pictures but I think he looks so cute. I especially love his red hair, and can't believe that now his hair is so dark. I should rephrase that, I can't believe his hair used to be so dark.

Kevin does not tell many people when his birthday is, he had me convinced that it was a government secret. I am glad to have finally figured out when this cute little baby was born.

Well, we have a good day planned for Kevin, and it will be nice to have him home for a three day weekend. Happy Birthday Honey! We love you lots!

guinea pigs, best friends, fun, and more

Alyssa

Alyssa was ecstatic when she was able to take her class pet home for the weekend. Let's just say that Max the guinea pig was a very messy house guest. It made me kind of happy when we were able to take him back to school. She did love taking care of him though, we even went to see the movie G-force in Max's behalf.

Alyssa is enjoying the second grade and seems to be making lots of new friends. Her newest friend of maybe I should say foe is a boy named Simon who chases Alyssa and her friend around at recess. Tonight we are having a sleepover in honor of Simon because he doesn't chase her around the playground as much. The sleepover was all Alyssa's idea trust me.

Alyssa has become a teenager overnight, she is on the phone constantly. It always seems to be right about the time that I need to use the phone too. I don't know what I will do when all four girls are yakking on the phone all day.

Kelsie

Kelsie's new highlight besides starting preschool is that she also started dance. She and Alyssa are both taking ballet, and so far it seems to be going well. We have never done dance lessons before so this is a first.

Kelsie has an obsession with hair already. She loves doing her own hair as well as creating hair-do's for Leah and Audrey. I am amazed how well she does. Kelsie is all about fashion and changes her outfits and hair constantly all day long. She even gets Alyssa's clothes for her.

Kelsie has the biggest heart and is so concerned with her sisters well being. She adores her big sister and loves being a big sister to Leah and Audrey. I can't believe how fast time flies. It doesn't seem that long ago that we brought this little black-haired bundle home from the hospital. To think that she is almost five years old is crazy.

Kelsie's best friend Maya returned home from her long 3 1/2 week vacation and boy were those the longest 3 1/2 weeks of both mine and Kelsie's lives. We are so glad that Maya is back.

We have a crazy life but it's a good life, and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Kelsie's first day of preschool

Kelsie was so excited for her first day of preschool,and she just looked like a million bucks in her cute outfit from Sam's club. Preschool doesn't start until 9:00 a.m. She woke up at 7:15 a.m. and couldn't wait to get going. I told her that she had to have some breakfast first and she maybe ate 2 bites of her eggs. We loaded up everyone in the car around 8:30 a.m. knowing that the drive takes less than 5 minutes. We went for a little drive and even had to wait in the preschool parking lot for a while. Her preschool is actually inside of a church, and her first comment when we pulled up was, "wow, I am the luckiest girl in the world because I get to go to preschool in a castle." It was so cute! She had a very good day, and enjoyed every minute. Her best friend Maya is also in her class and she is very excited about that as well.

I didn't know what to do with myself not having Kelsie around. The day was quite boring to be honest. I really missed her, and especially missed not being asked to play Memory for the 100th time.

sibling rivalry

There isn't enough fighting in this house between Kelsie and Alyssa so now our twins have decided to become part of the action too. They fight non-stop over everything but mainly toys. I never understood it when people told me that I should have two of every toy, they should be matching and everything. Now I get it. These two videos were 2 days apart. Can you believe these two? Usually Leah is the instigator while Audrey is usually the victim. Sometimes I can't help but laugh at their fighting which I know is going to get old really quick.

We have an artist on our hands

Should an almost ten month old already know how to draw on walls? Well, she does! I came into our office downstairs the other day and found Leah intact with a pencil in her hand. She was holding onto the wall with one hand while she did her lovely artwork with the other. Here is the proof. Leah what are we going to do with you?

I've definitely been in blog hiatus lately, and I have wanted nothing to do with blogging or reading blogs. To be just completely honest I just haven't been feeling myself lately. The stress of kids, life, and medical problems has just almost become unbearable. I kind of knew that something was wrong with me a couple of weeks ago when I took my twins in for their check-up. I asked our pediatrician if she wanted to call the Division of Child and Family services on me. She pretty much gave me the weirdest look and sweetly said, "no way, you are a great Mom, and don't you doubt yourself for one minute." I then went on to tell her all of the things that I felt made me a bad Mom. The list was long, and I don't really feel like mentioning them all. Again, her reply was something like, "you are too hard on yourself, and your expectations are ridiculous." Were my expectations of myself too high? It was definitely something to think about. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have realized that my expectations aren't too high, they are IMPOSSIBLE! What I expect of myself is perfection and unfortunately I am never going to be perfect. I guess that's why I had to stop reading blogs for a while because I felt like people had such a false sense of perfection. In blogs you can be anything you want to be. Whoever says that everyday is filled with rainbows and sunshine is lying! Life sucks sometimes that's just all there is to it. I do believe in optimism and think that you should try to see the good in every situation but sometimes there is no good. Take last week for example. I went in to see the neurosurgeon for my follow-up. He did not have any good news for me, in fact he had bad news. That being that what he thought was tumor was actually scar tissue. He barely removed any of my brain tumor, and now I get to have a lovely shot in my rear end every month in hopes that we can shrink this tumor. If that doesn't work then we will go on the path towards radiation. This isn't what I had envisioned but it's what I have been given and therefore I am going to deal with it the best I know how. I am going to focus more on what I am doing right, and focus less on what I am doing wrong. Nobody's perfect including me!