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I have a fear of needles, and I am very claustrophobic. Having a brain tumor doesn't exactly help either of these fears. One being that I have to have frequent MRI'S, and the other being that now I have to solely depend on needles in hopes to shrink this dang tumor. I am now giving myself shots which is something that I didn't ever think I would be able to do but is getting easier. Originally the plan was to do the shots just once a month but because of the adverse reaction I had, we are now on to plan B which is to slowly increase the dose by giving the shots more frequently. The whole system is quite a complicated mess actually. I started out by doing the shots just once a day for a few days, then we increased to twice a day for a few days. As of yesterday, I am now supposed to be doing the shots three times a day. We won't mention the fact that I was only able to get one shot in yesterday. That's another thing about these shots is that it is a complicated drug in itself. You have to thaw out the medication thirty minutes before injecting. After that you place it back in the refrigerator, and then do the same process all over again. It will be nice when at some point when we can get back to just doing the shots once per month.

I feel like a drug addict just waiting each day for the perfect opportunity to shoot up. My drugs are something that I can't live without even though I would like to, trust me on this one. I really hate this treatment plan.

It's been really hard not feeling complete anger towards my neurosurgeon. Even though he told me up front that I had a very aggressive tumor and treatment was going to be complicated, I still feel angry that he wasn't able to remove any of the tumor the second time around. I realize that I had a decision in this, and that surgery was something that I too felt good about doing, but that still does not help the fact that here I am still with this gigantic tumor. This tumor is close to the optic nerves as I have mentioned before, and is also on the carotid artery so I do realize that there is not a whole lot that can be done at this time surgically speaking.

I think that for now the plan is to continue with these injections for about 3-4 months. At that time, I will go ahead and have another MRI to see if this medication has made any improvements with the size of the tumor. If it has then, it sounds like I will just continue with the injections. If there has not been any improvements we will go ahead with the radiation treatment.

So there you have it I guess, Trisha's health in a nutshell!