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I've definitely been in blog hiatus lately, and I have wanted nothing to do with blogging or reading blogs. To be just completely honest I just haven't been feeling myself lately. The stress of kids, life, and medical problems has just almost become unbearable. I kind of knew that something was wrong with me a couple of weeks ago when I took my twins in for their check-up. I asked our pediatrician if she wanted to call the Division of Child and Family services on me. She pretty much gave me the weirdest look and sweetly said, "no way, you are a great Mom, and don't you doubt yourself for one minute." I then went on to tell her all of the things that I felt made me a bad Mom. The list was long, and I don't really feel like mentioning them all. Again, her reply was something like, "you are too hard on yourself, and your expectations are ridiculous." Were my expectations of myself too high? It was definitely something to think about. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have realized that my expectations aren't too high, they are IMPOSSIBLE! What I expect of myself is perfection and unfortunately I am never going to be perfect. I guess that's why I had to stop reading blogs for a while because I felt like people had such a false sense of perfection. In blogs you can be anything you want to be. Whoever says that everyday is filled with rainbows and sunshine is lying! Life sucks sometimes that's just all there is to it. I do believe in optimism and think that you should try to see the good in every situation but sometimes there is no good. Take last week for example. I went in to see the neurosurgeon for my follow-up. He did not have any good news for me, in fact he had bad news. That being that what he thought was tumor was actually scar tissue. He barely removed any of my brain tumor, and now I get to have a lovely shot in my rear end every month in hopes that we can shrink this tumor. If that doesn't work then we will go on the path towards radiation. This isn't what I had envisioned but it's what I have been given and therefore I am going to deal with it the best I know how. I am going to focus more on what I am doing right, and focus less on what I am doing wrong. Nobody's perfect including me!