thoughts about life

This is part of my journal entry from April 2, 2007

It's crazy how in a split second your life can change. One minute you are enjoying your life thinking about how perfectly things are going, and the next minute you are finding out that you are going to undergo brain surgery. Hearing the word "tumor" really shakes you up a bit.

Long story short, I had brain surgery on May 2, 2007 to remove a fairly large tumor that was growing on my pituitary gland. Because of the symptoms I was experiencing at the time I was told by my smart husband what tests I needed to have my doctor order, in particular my prolactin levels. Prolactin is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland. Prolactin stimulates lactation (milk production). It also has many other functions, including essential roles in the maintenance of the immune system. In my case I was still secreting milk even though I had not been nursing a baby in over a year. It's fairly common for nursing mothers to get benign tumors on their pituitary glands. In most cases the tumors will go away after nursing stops. With my tumor it didn't go away, and just kept growing. I immediately found a neuro-surgeon who felt that it would be best to go ahead and have the tumor surgically removed.

I remember clearly sitting in the neurosurgeon's office and asking him specifically if I would be able to see my husband graduate from medical school, and also if I would be able to raise my children. He assured me that everything would be okay. I trusted in his care and knew that I was in the best hands possible.

During this time I was given a blessing by my husband and in the blessing he told me that Heavenly Father was aware of what I was going through, and blessed me that I would be able to go through this trial. He also blessed me that I would feel peace and I will never forget the sense of peace that was with me throughout the upcoming weeks leading up to the surgery.

The surgery went smoothly and the neurosurgeon really felt as though he was able to remove all of the tumor. Last year about this time I had a follow-up MRI done which revealed some residual tissue. Doctor's weren't sure if it was just scar tissue from the surgery or if it was still part of the tumor. I didn't worry much about it and just went on with my life. I kind of figured that I would just have my babies and worry about doing another follow up MRI after they were born.

My follow-up MRI was yesterday and it looks like the tumor is back. I am not sure yet if this is going to require another surgery but I kind of have a feeling that it just may. I am nervous about it all just like I was in the beginning. I feel like I can't possibly go through another surgery especially while trying to take care of four children.

Another journal entry after my first brain surgery I wrote this:
This whole experience of having a brain tumor and going through a major surgery has really made me rethink a lot of things. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more. " I feel that I have been given a second chance." The next half of my life is going to be great. I am going to do all that I can to continue being a great person. Life is too short to be unhappy, and I am just grateful to be alive. Life is great and is so worth living. We have more family memories to make, more birthday parties to plan, more summer activities, more walks in the rain, more picnics, more water balloon fights, more Old Maid games to play, more funny stories at dinner time, more listening to Old McDonald for the billionth time in the car, more hand prints all over the walls. All of these things and more are what really matters the most.

I will keep you all posted in the upcoming weeks once I find out what is going to happen next!