You might be a redneck if......

Kevin and I had to speak in sacrament meeting yesterday. I am not much of a public speaker, and of course I always end up saying dumb things that I usually regret. So, I started off my talk by saying how I didn't really want to live in Tennessee, and I had this preconceived idea that Tennessee was just kind of a hillbilly town with a lot of people who piled junk on their front lawns and such. After my talk, our stake president gets up to speak and tells Kevin that after church he needs him to come over to his house, and help him put some cars out on his lawn. The jokes continued all through church, and Kevin and I were just dying. Anyway, it was pretty funny. Kevin said that in priesthood they even threw in some funny jokes about Utah. I couldn't help myself and have to list these redneck comments just to make myself laugh today.
So you might be a redneck if.......

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Your state's got a new law that says
when a couple get divorced,
they are still legally brother and sister

Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back

You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.

YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS "THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."

WARNING:
IF TWO OR MORE OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE ABOUT YOU.... YOU ARE A REDNECK, AND SHOULD SEEK CIVILIZED HELP IMMEDIATELY..